I am Regina working in private practice off-line here in Perth, Western Australia. I am also working on-line and able to meet you wherever you are located in this world. I am a clinical psychologist and mediator trained in Germany. I am also an internationally recognised mindfulness-based practitioner who is hosting a large mindfulness-based community. I am providing MBI trainings, conducting MBCT groups, supervising and certifying future MBSR/CT teachers. My meditations, talks, interviews, and articles can be accessed online.
This poem is the outcome of collaborating with courageous and brave individuals who wholeheartedly embrace their internal systems. Despite being uncertain about what lies ahead, they are uncovering numerous opportunities for personal growth and restoration. “AN ODE TO UNITE” also serves as an expression of gratitude for my privilege of accompanying clients along their unique journeys.
It highlights the roles of parts (protectors, firefighters, and exiles) within the soul, emphasising the possibility for integration and unity. The power of the Self as a guide and healer calling for the orchestra to come together to create a symphony of wholeness and peace. Recognising and embracing all parts of ourselves in order to create a melody that brings strength and peace to the human being in this ongoing concert of the soul can be very liberating.
To me, poetry is a great way to help individuals access and express their emotions. Often, people struggle to articulate their feelings, particularly when they are complex or overwhelming. And I see many benefits of using poetry in sessions. It can provide a safe and creative outlet to explore and process emotions, and it allows deeper insight into our inner landscape.
Practice active listening: When you are having a conversation with your partner, try to be fully present and attentive. Pay attention to their words, tone of voice, and body language, and avoid getting distracted by your own thoughts or external distractions. This can help you to build deeper understanding and connection with your partner.
TWO
Take mindful pauses: When you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed in your relationship, take a mindful pause to check in with yourself. This might involve taking a few deep breaths, engaging in a brief meditation or relaxation exercise, or simply taking a break to focus on something calming or grounding.
THREE
Notice your emotions without judgment: Mindfulness involves paying attention to your thoughts and emotions in a non-judgmental way. When you are experiencing strong emotions in your relationship, try to observe them without getting caught up in them or reacting impulsively. This can help you to respond more skilfully and compassionately in difficult situations.
FOUR
Practice gratitude: Mindfulness can help you to cultivate a sense of gratitude for the positive aspects of your relationship. Take time each day to reflect on the things you appreciate about your partner, and express your gratitude to them in meaningful ways.
FIVE
Engage in mindful activities together: Mindfulness can be a great way to connect with your partner and enjoy shared experiences. Consider practicing yoga or meditation together, going for a mindful walk or hike, or engaging in other activities that allow you to be fully present and focused on the present moment together.
In leading mindfulness groups, I actively encourage participants to explore and adjust their postures as needed, noticing that many skillfully embrace this chance. Yet, some struggle with feeling immobilised, limiting their full engagement in meditation. Despite these challenges, they persist, managing their discomfort internally.
I sought to understand why making choices poses difficulties for some individuals.
Human life is fundamentally about choice. From the first moments of the morning, we navigate a sea of decisions, large and small. Despite feeling controlled by our thoughts, emotions, and actions, research confirms our constant power of choice, even in adversity. This article delves into the connection between choice, mindfulness, and personal development.
What Does Research Reveal?
A pivotal study by psychologist Martin Seligman in the 1960s on “learned helplessness” involved dogs subjected to unavoidable electric shocks, leading them to passive behaviours. Seligman later found that these dogs could learn resilience by gaining control over their environment, a concept he termed “learned optimism.” This research underscores our ability to choose our responses, despite external circumstances.
The Paradox of Excess Choice
Sheena Iyengar and Mark Lepper’s research demonstrated the paradox of choice: too many options can overwhelm and reduce satisfaction. Their jam tasting study revealed that fewer choices led to more purchases, highlighting how excessive options can deter decision-making. Additionally, perceived control over choices can affect our stress levels and decision-making styles, further illustrating the complexity of choice and its impact on our well-being.
Mindfulness as a Pathway to Empowered Decision-Making
Mindfulness bridges our understanding of choice, fostering awareness of our present thoughts, emotions, and sensations without judgement. This practice empowers us to identify and seize the choices in each moment, enabling us to escape habitual reactions and respond more consciously and effectively.
Consider a stressful work scenario: feeling overwhelmed, you face a choice. React defensively, or pause, acknowledge your feelings, and practise self-compassion. The latter, though challenging, promotes personal growth and resilience.
Recognising our choices can be daunting, often obscured by internal barriers like trauma or negative beliefs. Engaging with a therapist or mindfulness instructor can illuminate these obstacles and offer strategies to navigate them.
Conclusion
Choice wields significant power in personal transformation. Through mindfulness and contemplative practices, we learn to discern and act upon our choices with more intention and skill. Echoing Seligman’s findings, while we can’t control every aspect of life, our response lies firmly in our hands. By embracing choice and adopting learned optimism, we pave the way for enhanced resilience and well-being.
Tips for mindfulness practice: are you interested in mindfulness but not sure where to start? If so, you can develop a mindfulness practice routine to reduce stress, improve focus, and cultivate a greater sense of well-being. Here are five tips to help you get started with your mindfulness practice:
1 Set aside time for your mindfulness practice
To start a mindfulness practice routine, you should set aside time for your practice as the first step. Consistency is key, even if it’s just 5-10 minutes per day. Commit to practicing at the same time every day, whether it’s first thing in the morning or before bed at night. Choose a time that works for you.
2 Find a comfortable space when practicing mindfulness
When starting out with mindfulness, finding a comfortable and distraction-free space is crucial. Choose a quiet room or outdoor area where you won’t be interrupted, and ensure you have a comfortable cushion or seat to sit on. If you choose to practice outside, seek out a location with a beautiful view or calming natural surroundings.
3 Focus on your breath
Learning to focus on the present moment is a core principle of mindfulness. To achieve this, try focusing on your breath as you practice. Begin by taking a few deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Then, let your breath settle into its natural rhythm. As you sit and breathe, pay attention to the sensations in your body and mind, without being judgmental or distracted.
4 Use guided mindfulness meditations
Using guided meditations can be a helpful tool for those new to mindfulness. Many apps and websites, such as Calm, and Insight Timer, offer free guided meditations for beginners. Choose a guided meditation that resonates with you and commit to practicing it daily for a week or two. You can find guided meditations on various platforms mindfulness2go soundcloud.
5 Be patient and kind with yourself
Remember that starting a mindfulness practice routine is a process that requires time and patience to develop. If you find your mind wandering or your practice difficult at first, don’t be too hard on yourself. Instead, approach your practice with curiosity and kindness, and view every moment of mindfulness as an opportunity to learn and grow. By setting aside time, finding a comfortable space, focusing on your breath, using guided meditations, and being patient and kind with yourself, you can begin to develop a sustainable mindfulness practice that supports your overall well-being.
As a child, I was always drawn to water and aquatic environments. I vividly recall wandering into a lake at a young age, unable to swim but captivated by the allure of the water. Thankfully, a kind stranger saw me struggling and rescued me from the depths. Fast forward several decades, and at the age of 48, I was diagnosed with cancer. During my treatment, one of my oncologists emphasized the importance of staying active, noting that rest doesn’t always mean lying on the couch. This advice inspired me to return to the water, to rediscover the calming and restorative benefits that I had loved as a child.
Nowadays, I regularly go for swims and immerse myself in the ocean, which previously caused me anxiety until I underwent EMDR therapy. However, I recognize that not everyone needs to physically enter the water to experience its positive effects. Simply gazing out at a nearby body of water, whether it’s a lake, river, or ocean, can bring feelings of calm, peace, and expansiveness. Alternatively, walking through a green space and admiring the trees or looking up at the sky can have similar benefits.
I encourage anyone who feels exhausted, anxious, stressed, or overwhelmed to consider seeking solace in the natural world. Even if you don’t have easy access to water, taking a few moments to connect with nature can help you find a greater sense of ease and well-being.
The therapeutic practice known as “blue space therapy” is similar to its green counterpart, this approach centres on the benefits of spending time in natural environments. Personally, I find solace and tranquillity in the vastness of the ocean, where my mind and body are able to unwind and rejuvenate. As I gaze upon the seemingly endless expanse of water, I am struck by the sky’s magnificent display of colours, which subtly shift and blend together, creating a mesmerizing spectacle.
Blue space therapy is a therapeutic practice that involves spending time in natural aquatic environments, such as oceans, lakes, rivers, or even swimming pools. The goal of this therapy is to promote physical and mental well-being by taking advantage of the calming and restorative effects of water. Similar to green space therapy, which emphasises the benefits of spending time in nature, blue space therapy recognizes the healing properties of natural environments and encourages individuals to connect with them to improve their overall health and wellness.
Experiencing loneliness can be incredibly challenging as it involves complex emotional states characterized by feelings of sadness, grief, and isolation. Loneliness permeates the physical body, causing the heart to ache and the mind to struggle with regulating worries, judgments, and rumination.
It mirrors symptoms of depression and may even manifest as depression itself. And results from disconnection and is characterised by the absence of companionship, conversation, and connection with others.
It’s important to note that loneliness does not necessarily result from being alone. Rather, it stems from the quality of the connection and relationships individuals have with themselves and others.
Mark Twain’s quote, “The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself
True loneliness is not simply about being alone, but rather it is a state of mind where one is unable to find comfort and peace within themselves.
A poignant reminder
The relationship we have with ourselves is just as important as the relationships we have with others. When we are unable to be at peace with ourselves, it can lead to
a deep sense of loneliness,
disconnection, and
isolation.
Cultivate self-acceptance and self-compassion
Can help us to develop a healthy relationship with ourselves and reduce the risk of feeling lonely.
Self-compassion mediation
Find a quiet and comfortable place to sit or lie down. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.
Bring to mind the feeling of loneliness that you are currently experiencing. Allow yourself to fully feel it and acknowledge it without judgment.
Repeat the following words to yourself, either in your head or out loud: “May I be kind to myself. May I give myself the compassion I need in this moment.”
Imagine a warm, comforting light surrounding you. Feel the warmth spreading throughout your body and soothing your mind.
Repeat the following words to yourself: “I am not alone in this. Many people experience feelings of loneliness. I am a worthy and deserving person, just as I am.”
Think about a time when you showed compassion to someone else. Recall the feeling of kindness and understanding that you had in that moment. Now, direct that same compassion towards yourself.
Repeat the following words to yourself: “I forgive myself for any mistakes or shortcomings I may have. I am worthy of love and compassion, regardless of my perceived flaws or shortcomings.”
Take a few deep breaths and allow yourself to sink into this feeling of self-compassion. Stay here as long as you need.
When you are ready, slowly open your eyes and return to your day. Remember to carry the feeling of self-compassion with you as you go about your day.
This meditation can be practiced whenever you are feeling lonely or in need of self-compassion. It can help you to cultivate feelings of kindness and understanding towards yourself, reducing feelings of loneliness and increasing feelings of wellbeing.
When we are comfortable with who we are, we are better equipped to form meaningful connections with others and experience true companionship.
You say you want to be happy. You say you want to live well. You say you want to be satisfied. But you’re not I can tell. If you only had this one thing. More time, more money, more of that. But, when you do, peace it doesn’t bring. No matter what you have. It never seems to be enough. I want you to be happy. I want you to live well. I want you to be satisfied. I want to give you peace. Be content with who I am content with who you are. Be content with what you have and where you are . I am the one who can be your true happiness. I can help you see how much you are blessed. I have you right where you need to be. I have a plan a future that you don’t yet see. You worry about what lies ahead. But you miss what I’ve just said. Be okay to live in today to live right now. Things tend to work out someway somehow. Be content to stay with me. Place your hand in mine. Listen grow and learn to see the sign. Be content to walk with me. As we travel along the way. Be content to rest in me. To be silent and to pray. Lay your burden down place your troubles at my feet. Trust that I am in control I will give you what you need. Be content to sit with me. To speak not, but be still. Be content to cry with me. For I too cried upon the hill. Be content to laugh with me. To dance and sing and run. And celebrate with me when I find the lost one. Be content with me for I am more than enough. I won’t leave you when things get tough. I softly call your name in the middle of the storm. Cry out to me and I will keep you safe and warm. When you wonder when you doubt. That there is any way out. Cling to me and you will see. The sun slowly begin to appear. You will know and you will grow. There is nothing you need to fear. Be content with me my child. Let me be enough for you.
This poem ‘Be Content’ by ShowYouLove invites us to create contentment and finding peace in our current circumstances. Be content with who you are, where you are, and what you have. Striving is not making you content, so let go of it. Attitudes like curiosity, trust, beginner’s mind will help you developing a greater sense of contentment.
The art of loving-kindness meditation involves being present with oneself and others in a compassionate and loving way. Just as with any art, it takes time and practice to master the technique. It is a form of metta meditation that helps train the mind to be more loving and kind. LKZ involves wishing happiness for all beings and recognizing that suffering can be relieved through compassion and loving-kindness. When we practice these techniques, we can shift from reactivity to responsiveness and find healing.
Loving-Kindness Phrases
Remember that the practice of loving-kindness is not about achieving a certain result or outcome, but rather about cultivating a sense of care, connection, comfort, and nourishment within yourself and towards others. With regular practice, you may find that your ability to offer loving-kindness and compassion to yourself and others increases, and that you are better able to navigate challenging situations with a sense of calm and clarity.
One thing to keep in mind as you practice loving-kindness meditation is that it is not necessary to force yourself to feel a certain way. It is common for people to feel resistant to offering love and compassion to themselves or others, especially when they are experiencing difficult emotions or situations. It is important to remember that the practice of loving-kindness is not about trying to suppress or ignore negative emotions, but rather about finding a way to hold them with care and understanding.
Challenges
As mentioned before, you may find it challenging to offer loving-kindness to yourself or others, try starting with small acts of kindness and compassion, and gradually build up from there. It can also be helpful to seek the guidance of a qualified meditation instructor or therapist who can offer support and guidance as you develop your practice.
Also, if you feel overwhelmed, it is important to prioritise safety and take time to anchor and ground yourself. It is also important to remember that taking care of yourself through self-compassion is an act of loving-kindness. Consider listening to guided instructions or meditations as a starting point, and allow yourself time to find your own voice in the practice.
Origin of Loving-Kindness
Loving-kindness meditation, also known as metta meditation, is a traditional Buddhist practice that has been practiced for centuries in various forms. It is a form of concentration meditation that involves focusing the mind on feelings of love, care, and compassion towards oneself and others.
It’s been widely practiced by Buddhists as a way to cultivate positive emotions and to promote well-being and compassion for all beings. In recent years, the practice of loving-kindness meditation has also gained popularity in non-Buddhist contexts as a means of stress reduction and for promoting mental and emotional well-being.
The intention of the practice is to cultivate feelings of love and connection with all beings, regardless of whether we have a personal relationship with them or not.
Benefits
Loving-kindness meditation can be a helpful tool
dealing with stress
cultivates feelings of care, connection, and compassion;
counteracts feelings of anxiety and stress.
shifts our perspective and to recognise that we are not alone in our struggles (common humanity)
cultivates a sense of connection and support that can help to alleviate stress and promote well-being.
How to integrate the practice?
There are many ways to incorporate the practice of loving-kindness meditation into a secular setting. 1: Set aside dedicated time for the practice, either individually or in a group. This can involve sitting quietly and focusing on feelings of love and compassion towards oneself and others, using phrases or words that resonate with you. It can also be helpful to incorporate relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing or mindful body awareness, to enhance the effectiveness of the meditation. It helps you with grounding and when feeling overwhelmed.
2: Small acts of kindness and compassion towards oneself and others: offering words of support and encouragement to a friend or colleague, or simply taking a moment to pause and offer kind thoughts towards oneself. By making a conscious effort to cultivate feelings of love and compassion on a daily basis, you can create a sense of connection and support that can help to reduce stress and promote well-being.
Finding the right words and phrases to use in loving-kindness meditation can be challenging at first. It may be helpful to consider what you need and what words you would like to hear from others, and to convert those into wishes for yourself. It is important to take your time and not rush the process, and to remember that the practice is about evoking goodwill, not necessarily good feelings.
Feel free to use below instructions to practice loving-kindness meditation
Find a comfortable seated position and close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths, allowing yourself to settle into the present moment.
Bring to mind someone you love and care for deeply. It could be a family member, friend, or even a beloved pet. As you think of this person, silently repeat the following phrases to yourself:
“May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be safe. May you live with ease.”
As you repeat these phrases, try to sincerely wish for this person’s well-being and happiness. Notice any feelings of warmth or care that arise in your heart.
Next, bring to mind a neutral person, someone you do not have strong feelings towards, such as a grocery store clerk or a stranger on the street. Repeat the same phrases to yourself, silently wishing for this person’s well-being:
“May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be safe. May you live with ease.”
Now, bring to mind someone you are currently in conflict with or who has caused you difficulty. It might be someone you are currently in disagreement with, or someone from your past who has hurt you. As you think of this person, try to hold them in your mind with care and compassion, silently repeating the phrases:
“May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be safe. May you live with ease.”
Notice any resistance or difficulty that arises as you offer these wishes. It is natural to have difficulty with this step, but try to bring a sense of curiosity and openness to any difficult emotions that arise.
Finally, bring to mind all beings everywhere, including yourself. Repeat the phrases to yourself, silently wishing for the well-being and happiness of all beings:
“May all beings be happy. May all beings be healthy. May all beings be safe. May all beings live with ease.”
Take a few moments to rest in this sense of connectedness and care for all beings. When you are ready, slowly open your eyes, bringing your attention back to the present moment.
Remember, the practice of loving-kindness meditation is not about achieving a certain result or outcome, but rather about cultivating a sense of care and connection within ourselves and towards others. With regular practice, you may find that your ability to offer loving-kindness and compassion to yourself and others increases, and that you are better able to navigate challenging situations with a sense of calm and clarity.
What if the phrases don’t work for you? No problem, develop your own.
Create personalised phrases that resonate with you personally. This can help you to make the practice feel more authentic, relatable, and meaningful.
There are a few different ways you can go about developing your own loving-kindness phrases:
Reflect on your own needs and desires: Take some time to think about what you need in order to feel happy, healthy, and fulfilled. Consider what words or phrases would be most comforting or supportive for you to hear. You might also think about what you would like to hear from others, and try to express those same sentiments as wishes for yourself.
Consider your values and intentions: Reflect on the values and intentions that are most important to you, and try to craft phrases that reflect those values. For example, if compassion is an important value for you, you might include phrases that express a desire for all beings to be free from suffering.
Keep it simple and clear: It can be helpful to keep your phrases simple and clear, rather than trying to use overly complex or abstract language. This can help to make the practice more accessible and easier to remember.
Experiment and find what works for you: Don’t be afraid to experiment with different phrases and see what works best for you. You might find that certain phrases feel more resonant or meaningful than others, and that’s okay. The important thing is to find words and phrases that feel authentic and meaningful to you.
Feel free to listen to this track offering you a way to develop your own phrases.
Anything else to keep in mind?
There is no specific reason why you should not practice loving-kindness meditation, as it is a tool that can be helpful for people of all ages and backgrounds. However, as with any meditation practice, it is important to approach it with care and sensitivity, and to be mindful of your own needs and limitations.
If you are currently experiencing severe mental or emotional distress, it is important to seek the support of a qualified mental health professional before beginning any meditation practice. Loving-kindness meditation can be a powerful tool for promoting well-being, but it is not a replacement for professional care when it is needed.
It is also important to be mindful of your own energy levels and capacity for self-care when considering whether or not to practice loving-kindness meditation. If you are feeling overwhelmed or exhausted, it may be helpful to take a break from the practice and focus on taking care of yourself. Remember, the practice of loving-kindness meditation is not about achieving a certain result or outcome, but rather about cultivating a sense of care and connection within ourselves and towards others. It is important to listen to your own needs and to prioritize self-care when needed.
Final words
To me loving-kindness meditation has the potential to create positive ripple effects in the world by fostering a sense of care and connection within ourselves and towards others. As we all learn to extend love and compassion to ourselves and others, we may find that we are better able to contribute to creating a more loving and supportive society for all beings. This can be especially important in today’s world, where there is often a lack of understanding and connection between people from different backgrounds or walks of life.
By growing a like-minded community that practices loving-kindness meditation, we can create a supportive network of individuals who are committed to cultivating care and compassion in their daily lives. This not only benefits you within your community, but also has the potential to positively impact our wider world. As more people learn to extend loving-kindness to themselves and others, we may see a reduction in conflict and an increase in understanding and cooperation between people.
In short, loving-kindness meditation is a very important practice for personal and societal growth, as it helps to cultivate a sense of care and connection that can have positive ripple effects on the world around us.
Let’s do this together.
With Metta
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